I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
