Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Randomize
