I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
