he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
