mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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