i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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