haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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