Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
