guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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