its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
