I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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