if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
