No awkward lesbian experiences without me
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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