Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
