rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
