well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
