we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Are we still banned from the library?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
