Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
