Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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