whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
