So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
