dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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