dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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