omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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