You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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