my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
