She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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