so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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