I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
