I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
