Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
