he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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