First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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