Pants 0. Shit 1.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
