I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
