new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
