If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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