I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
