You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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