I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
