I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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