I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
