please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
