your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
