so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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