Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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