Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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