you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
