It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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