i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
