Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
