you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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