So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
