and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
love makes seman taste better
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
