He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
