We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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