As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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