How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
