don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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