Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
