drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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