I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize