Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
there's paper in my vomit.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
