Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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