Duck Duck Cougar?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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