Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
