I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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