What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
