True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
