my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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