I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
