I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
