I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
