how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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