I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize