we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
