you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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