You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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