i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
