just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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