I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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