Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
