oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
