fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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