Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
