Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
