I've blown a few things in my day
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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