Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
