Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
