i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
