If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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