I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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