bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
