quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
