We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
