Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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